Preparing for a baby is anything but easy and I reacted the same way any 19 year old girl would. When I found out I was pregnant I panicked. My emotions went haywire and I sobbed uncontrollably, but not for the reasons you might think. You see, I have felt like I was born to be a mother since I was probably 10 years old. I would dream about experiencing the magic of pregnancy and being responsible for the creation of a whole new life, fully aware of all of the real "grown up" responsibilities of being a parent. I took on the responsibilities at a young age by helping take care of my little brother while my mom juggled work, health problems and a step-child that was extremely defiant. I did not care that I was put on the back burner for a while because I absolutely LOVED caring for my brother.
I was not panicking about the idea of being a mommy, or the fact that my life as I knew it was about to change drastically, I was upset because of the amount of disappointment and anger I would get from my family. My mom, gramma, step-dad and step-mom all had their first child when they were 19 themselves so they definitely knew what I was in for. It doesn't help either that my family absolutely hates my boyfriend.
I have yet to be diagnosed with any specific disorders, but I am currently on meds for bipolar disorder, manic depressive disorder, OCD, ADD and depression. It has taken 2 years to find the right balance and concoction of pills to make me feel "normal", but I am finally comfortable in my own skin. Because of her hatred for my boyfriend, my mother is constantly telling me that she KNOWS I am not happy and that I am not fooling anybody. I AM happy, actually happier than I think I have ever been. I have a boyfriend that adores and respects me, his two boys that attached to me the day they met me, I am in college to earn my Associate in Psychology, I am living and breathing with a roof over my head and food to eat, surrounded by people that love me; what is there to be so stressed and unhappy about? Life is too short to waste any amount of time worrying about what others think and feel.
No, I am not working and neither is my boyfriend at the time but we ARE trying.
No, I don't have my own place to live and I am staying with my boyfriend's parents but that's okay. We will get back on our feet one day soon; again, we're trying.
I may not be living my life the way my family wants me to but that comes with growing up. You have to learn that there is no use in trying to please everybody all the time. If you are happy that is all that matters. Life is full of struggles and disappointment, but that doesn't mean you can't be happily struggling, right?
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